A Disjointed Story
Unraveling our inner demons before we can come fully into ourselves is the task set before many of us in this life. When I started this drawing several years ago, I had not yet unearthed the suppressed memories of trauma I was carrying. This was the first step I took in uncovering that mystery.
This is the first piece that I created using a muscle testing technique to access my subconscious. I had no Idea what would happen as I asked myself questions about where to make a mark on the page and then muscle tested myself for accuracy. I assumed it would be completely abstract and just and interesting exercise. Instead, I saw images and symbolism start to emerge. I saw many images that I could see were related to mudra that I had used in my InnerDialogue™ practice. I could also see more abstract concepts that gave me more depth of understanding of each symbol and how it was manifesting for me in that moment. An example being the dragon in the top right corner of the drawing. I knew it was symbolizing Dragon Rising, which is an addictive state that stems from some internal need not being met. That it appeared to be made of metal , a machine, helped me see that this need was at the level of my being that could construct a machine, my thinking, believing, human understanding. When I saw it emerge in the drawing, I became aware of the need and therefore became able to start to meet it in a healthy way.
This first drawing expresses a lot of information in a compartmentalized and disjointed way, but the story is there. As I allowed myself to be with this story I was able to heal many of the pieces in it. When I felt I had gone as far as I could with this drawing I started the next. Eventually, I turned to a medium that was more malleable (water color on clayboard). This shift helped me to work with the information as it came up, to change the story as I told it. Thereby releasing these stuck places and becoming more fully integrated, more fully my divine self with each stroke of my brush.
Now when I paint in this intuitive way for myself only one or two issues that need my attention will show up. The paintings are more coherent; there is less of a puzzle to be pieced together. So I started offering this work to my clients. I have noticed that this process is an amazing way to get to our deepest levels and bring the hidden into the light to be healed. The people I have worked with have told me that they keep the paintings, and if they backslide in an issue they can see the way out again. I know for myself that when I no longer feel the pull of a painting, when I can let it go, I have finished processing the information in it. It has been a powerful healing tool for myself and for my clients as well.